My Secret Life

My secret life


My first recollection of my fascination with men was at about the age of 5 when my dad took me to a local rugby match, he had been a keen player in his youth and knew some of the players. After the match we went in to the change rooms as dad talked to some of his friends, my eye was drawn to the sight of a naked man walking past with his towel in his hand. I was fascinated by his cock which to me seemed so huge hanging between his legs and swaying as he walked. That memory has stayed with me throughout my life and is as clear and as exciting today as it was all those years ago..
I don't recall any other incidents until after I had left home at 16 to join the Army. My main interest during this time was girls I had had sex with two girls in my last year at high school and only thought of girls during my early Army days. There had been a scandal at our training camp when a group of boys were caught in a group wanking session and a couple of boys were caught in bed together but this didn't do any thing toward diverting my attention from girls.
My next encounter and the rekindling of my homosexual desires happened in Singapore. After a night out with mates drinking, some of the guys decided to get a whore for the night. I drifted off and found myself a transvestite in Boogie St., they are so good looking and petite and yet you know that you are really hooking up with a guy and after a night of drinking you just want to take them back and fuck them and this is what I did. We ended up at her flat where he/she sucked me and I sucked her and then fucked her.
I left the Far East shortly after this and headed back to the UK and although my desire for more action was reignited the opportunities for clandestine contact with men was very limited especially being in the Army and at a time (late 1960's) when you dare not be seen to be or engage in homosexuality.
I had one more encounter before leaving the Army I was on the continent at a multi national exercise we were operating with some Canadian forces. Throughout the duration of the exercise, about 10 days, we had little time to get to know any of their guys but at the end of the 10 days we had a long weekend to unwind and our unit hooked up with our counterparts who were from a base in British Columbia. Over the course of the Saturday and into the evening I had notice one guy who was very handsome and stirred my loins he also had caught my eye as we moved around the local pubs on occasion he would give me a smile and eventually we began chatting. Most of the guys were trying their luck with some of the local girls but we instantly knew where are urges lay. As the evening drew to a close a lot of the crowd had dissipated and I was returning, via a very narrow passage way, from the toilet feeling much the worse for wear. In the semi darkness I was confronted by Tom and as we attempted to squeeze past each other he reached out and pulled me towards him and planted his lips on mine and in a very passionate embrace french kissed me whilst grinding his crotch into mine. Without thinking I responded by wrapping my arms around him and returned the embrace. Suddenly my inhibitions began melting away and I felt my legs go weak as Tom nibbled my ear and whispered that he wanted to fuck me. I reached down and felt his hardening cock through his jeans, my heart was racing and I had trouble forming the words to respond but eventually spluttered out my answer which of course was yes oh yes....
Tom led me out into the night and we ended up spending the night together. When I awoke and found myself in the arms of Tom who was naked and I was partially dressed I had trouble trying to recall what had happened. I had been really pissed when we staggered out of the pub and could only recall falling into bed and struggling to get undressed. When Tom awoke and I asked him what had happened he couldn't remember either but we did find an open tube of KY jelly and a used condom in the bed sheets. My bottom was sore and I had bite marks on the back of my neck so there was a good chance that Tom had got his way and that I had been fucked. I was terrified when I realised what had happened and that people might find out where and with whom I had spent the night all I wanted was to get out of there and get back to my units barracks.
Looking back on that night it was disappointing not to have enjoyed the sex with Tom but the mystery of that night still excites me and the fantasy of having that gorgeous Canadian Sergeant take my virginity will be forever with me. We never met again.
Despite many attempts to connect with guys over the next few years I failed miserably, my sex life for the next few years was strictly heterosexual.
I didn't make any further progress in my search for sex with men until after I had been discharged and had emigrated to Australia. I answered an ad and arranged to meet a guy at a beach area known as a cruising spot for gays. We parked up in the dunes and in the back of my station wagon we played with each other for a while and undressed and laid naked and humped each other until we both came swishing our cocks together as we enjoyed each other's orgasms. Nothing ever came of this meeting we never saw each other again.
I returned a few times to this beach area looking for sex, I was successful on a few occasions but the sex was always furtive and hurried it left me feeling used, guilty and a shamed of myself. I really wanted to hook up with someone with whom I could have a regular discreet relationship with.
I had heard about a gay bathhouse in town and thought I would check it out, there was also a gay night club which I thought might be worth a look. I ended up going to the night club after a night drinking and an argument with a girl friend. I left her place and headed into Northbridge to Connections. I hadn't been there long when I was hit on by an older guy who bought me a drink and made small talk whilst we surveyed the scene. I was fascinated by the gay scene but didn't really identify with this life style. I enjoyed the sex with men but didn't see myself as gay. Ivan definitely was gay he was an actor of some note and after the chat ran out he simply put his hand on my crotch and asked if I would like to be somewhere quieter and before you know it we were on the way to his flat. After some kissing, sucking and undressing we were on the bed with Ivan giving my cock a good working over swapping places so I could taste his cock and lick his balls. He soon took control and lubed my hole and rubbed his cock into my anus pushing gently as he guided the erect head in through the sphincter muscle. There was some pain at first and we rested to allow my anus to adjust to his not so small cock. He then stepped off the couch and maintaining penetration lifted me and lay me on the rug on the floor lifting my legs high above my chest hooking them into the crux of his arms. The penetration was deep and he withdrew and sank into me again and withdrew and thrust into me. This was the image that I had held for some time of me being fucked by a well hung lover. We satiated ourselves with our lust and I experienced sex with a man for the first time where I felt some what at ease with myself. Ivan was certainly an accomplished lover who shared his pleasure of sex with me freely and for that I was very grateful. I would see Ivan again but not for a few years.
It was at about this time I left Perth and lived in Brisbane for a few years. I had a few memorable experiences during this time every thing from a fuck in an inner city park with an anonymous cruiser to some hours of pleasure with a black lover who introduced me to the pleasures of rimming. I also had a regular fling with guy who I fucked on a couple of occasions although this wasn't my preference. I came to understand myself as a bottom, sex with men who would dominate me and use me as their whore or slut, men who would take me as a man takes a women, to fuck me. I had come to a place where I wanted to surrender to all these thoughts to emerge myself in this world of gay sex.
On my return to Perth I began visiting the gay bathhouse just taking it all in and letting things happen without forcing any situation. I explored all areas the sauna, steam room, spa, dungeon, maze, group room. I found the whole experience very exciting, the first action I became involved in was in the sauna. I was sitting on the top bench watching the action going on about me, one couple opposite kissing and playing with each other's cocks another couple in the corner near me sucking each other. My towel was open and my cock was stiffening when a guy entered and sat in front of me just to one side on the level my feet were on. I let my legs fall apart so that my left knee rested on his shoulder, he shuffled in his seat and turned looking at me for a second then shortly after turned slightly and put his arm over my upper leg letting his hand hang loosely on my inner thigh. He looked at me with a sly smile, I encouraged him by stroking his arm and opening my legs a little more. That's all the encouragement he needed as he began stroking my thigh and soon had my cock in his hand and leaned in and put his lips around the swelling head. He move up onto the same level and we kissed and stroked each other, we were getting really horny and panting as we worked each other over, he whispered in my ear that we should find some where more private and he led me out and off to a cubicle. We wasted no time and were soon sucking each other in a 69er he was working on my hole with some KY whilst sucking me. Eventually he had me on my back legs high in the air as he guided his cock to my slippery hole he let the bulbous cock head just stretch my hole a little letting me get accustomed to his cocks girth, as I relaxed he pushed in a little bit more at a time until finally he was fully in and he began his thrusting with a very slow rhythm. He began talking to me, do you like that cock bitch? Your hole is tight slut lets loosen it up for you. He would then thrust deeper and harder and pull my hips into him. As I'm lying there enjoying his thrusting, squeezing my sphincter muscle to massage his big cock as he thrust in, I could see faces looking over the top of the cubicle and I freaked asking him to stop, there are people watching. He pushes me down and fucks harder telling me to shut up and put on a good show for the audience. There was no way I could stop him and the voyeurs were egging us on and getting quite verbal. So I just accepted his suggestion and began humping and hugging him as he fucked harder and harder until finally shooting his cum deep in my arse as we collapsed in a heap I could hear the voyeurs shuffling away.
These experiences opened my mind to all sorts of fantasies and I often masturbated to images in my head which I would then try and replicate on my visits to the bathhouse.
One evening I decided to try and find Ivan, I remembered where his flat was so went round and knocked on the door. He answered and was taken aback to see me. He invited me in and we talked about our last encounter. I told him how significant our sex had been to for me. How it had shown me that pleasure with another man was possible without the guilt and shame. We enjoyed some action but it was clear Ivan didn't want to take the relationship any further.
The bathhouse was my only source of sexual enjoyment for a while until I finally found an ad which attracted my attention. I responded and we met. Paul was a young student studying to be a teacher he lived alone in a flat near the uni which was very convenient for casual meetings. We met regularly for the first 6 months I would phone and if he was available we would spend a hour or so enjoying each other's company some times on the couch some times in bed but it was always passionate, intense sex. He had a part time job with a travel agency and on occasions I would call by to say hello and if he wasn't busy we would put the " back in 15mins" sign up and retreat into the store room and get some action on. I can still see the image of me pressed against the wall my shirt open and my pants around my ankles as Paul sucks me off, fingering my hole with saliva he would work me up and finally turn me around and fuck me, I'd be moaning and panting so loud the people in the next shop could hear me getting fucked. But my most pleasurable memories of Paul were in the privacy of his bedroom. A typical meeting with Paul would begin with a kiss and hugging and grinding our cocks together rubbing each other butts. Our blood would begin pumping and we would get on the couch and watch some porn. Paul had some great porn, one on ones , three somes, group, B&D and domination. Watching porn we would get some action going undressing, sucking, wanking, and lots of kissing. When we couldn't take it anymore we would head to his bedroom where he would take control and begin to work me over with his tongue. My cock, balls and anus we would swap positions and I would suck his cock, taking him deep pushing the swollen head into the back of my throat and letting him fuck my face, I would suck his balls and eventually spread his cheeks and plunge my tongue into his hole. I would work his hole over kissing it, licking it and probing it with my tongue. His cock would be raging when he was keen to fuck me he would roll me over and climb in between my legs stretching a condom over his cock he would position it at the entrance to my hole and slowly start pushing in and pulling out pushing further in and just withdrawing enough to keep pressure on my sphincter muscle. As I relaxed he would quicken his pace until he was fucking me and penetrating deep into my ass. I wrapped my legs high around his back and encouraged him to fuck me hard, we would kiss and tongue each other grasping his head and urging him on. Once he had come he would withdraw and continuing sucking my cock whilst he finger fucked me until I came in his mouth, we would then kiss each other tasting my cum as we collapsed in each other's arms and often fell asleep like this.
My relationship with Paul lasted over 10 years, it wasn't continual it had it's highs and lows. It's stops and starts. I guess we were like any couple moments of intense dependency and moments of indifference. During one of these sessions that I asked Paul to fuck me bareback. The experience was incredible I cried with joy as Paul's cock entered my hole and we fucked to a frenzy of passion. The feeling was so intimate as his cum burst into my anus squeezing past his cock it ran down my cheeks and soaked the sheets. I felt a true love for Paul that day which made me cry like a baby the feeling of my complete surrender overwhelmed me. From that time on we always fucked bareback the feeling of a naked, erect cock penetrating my anus left me helpless in my lovers arms. I would do anything for him just to feel him fucking me bareback. On another occasion Paul introduced me to Richard, a very handsome young man. Tall and athletic a lean muscular build with just a light covering of hair on his chest. Richard was very interested in our friendship and expressed an interest in joining us in a three some if I didn't mind.
I hadn't seen Richard for a few weeks, Paul and I were having one of our weekly get togethers and had progressed to the bedroom. Paul was sucking my cock and fingering my hole in preparation for some exciting fucking when we heard someone down stairs. Paul hopped out of bed and went to investigate. I heard muffled voices and Paul quickly returned, climbing back into bed he began kissing me and fondling my cock, I asked who was down stairs, he rubbed my cock harder and nuzzled my neck and said he had a surprise for me. He said Richard was waiting to join us if I didn't mind. At that moment there was a shadow outside the bedroom door and in the half light of the darkened bedroom I could make out the silhouette of Richard. I kissed Paul and said I would love to share the afternoon with him. Richard came in and sat on the bed next to us, he and Paul kissed and began fondling me Richard lent down and thanked me for inviting him in to our bed and kissed me deeply at the same time stroking my rock hard cock. Richard stood up by the side of the bed and I swung my legs over the side and sat facing his huge half aroused cock. It was truly magnificent I took it in my left hand the shaft lay across my palm like a salmi and took his ball sack in my right hand and rolled the egg sized balls in my fingers. The head off his cock which was now beginning to swell was like a ripe plumb with pre cum oozing from his piss hole, with some gentle persuasion from Richard I took his cock into my mouth. Paul was encouraging me and suggesting I would love to feel Richard's cock erupt down my throat and to have his cock fuck my arse. I pushed further onto the shaft and finally swallowed the head into the neck of my throat. I had to breath through my nose as Richard began fucking my face. Paul and Richard kissed each other and eventually Paul said to Richard that they should give me a good fucking, Paul wanted to go first as he said I would not want him once Richard had finished with. He would stretch me too much for Paul to enjoy himself. So I knelt on the bed with my butt in the air where Paul could get behind me and begin to work on fingering my hole, Richard continued to face fuck me. Paul finally pushed the head of his cock through my sphincter and began to match his rhythm with that of Richard. They encouraged each other and kissed as they fucked me from both ends, I was in heaven enjoying every moment, a fantasy come true. As Paul began to rise towards his climax he began to slap my bottom, some thing he always liked to do when fucking me from behind. Richard also began to climax and grabbed me by the ears and forced his cock deep into my throat as each thrust brought him closer to erupting his hot seed down my throat. Paul was panting hard now as he thrust into my buttocks and eventually they both erupted into a screaming climax filling me with cum from both ends. As this happened my own climax erupted spraying my cum all over the sheets, my cock was rock hard and the flow continued to spurt as they both shuddered through the final moments of their ejaculation.
We lay on the bed in each other's arms panting and telling each other how fantastic we had all been. After such wonderful sex it was inevitable we would fall asleep, we slept for perhaps an hour, I awoke to the sight of Paul and Richard sucking each other's cocks in a sixty nine. I lay watching and became aroused again by the sight of Richards man hood, he was a stallion and the thought of him fucking me got me actively involved with them. I massaged Paul's back and buttocks kissed the nape of his neck and worked my way down his back and explored between the cheeks of his bum until I found his rose bud and went to work with my tongue. Paul loved it when I rimmed his hole he would get so excited I only had to stroke his cock a few times and he would explode. As Richard sucked on his cock I kissed and probed his hole and stroked his ball until with a gut curdling roar he erupted his load deep into Richard's throat. Paul bucked and spurted as I stuck my tongue deep in his hole. With Richard's cock swollen hard again and ready for action I wanted to be fucked by this stud. Once Paul had recovered they both turned their attention to me, Paul laid me back and helped Richard open my legs and began finger fucking me using his cum to lubricate my hole. They both kissed me and fondled my cock, Paul telling me to relax and enjoy Richard's cock. He guided his cock and helped insert the head in my hole. The stretching of my hole was breath taking and a little painful but eventually his cock head popped through and he could push deep into me and begin to fuck me. My hole was stretched and ravished as Richard worked up to a steady pace. Paul kissed me and encouraged me to get into the action, with this I wrapped my legs around Richard's waist and began to hump with him as he plunged in and out pulling me by my hips into each thrust. I was lost in a frenzy, my heart pounding and my emotions over flowing as I burst into tears as Richard's orgasm erupted and I could feel his cum squirting deep inside me. He finally collapsed into my arms and all three of us lay there enjoying the after glow of sex, Richard's cock still in my hole slowly subsiding and finally slipping out. My hole was on fire having been stretched by such a monster cock.
Richard joined us a few times over the next 12 months which led to some exciting sex. I enjoyed being a voyeur whilst Richard fucked Paul the sight of Richard's thick cock sliding in and stretching Paul's hole had my pre cum running out of my swelling cock. Paul would often ask me to sit on his face, Richard would fuck him whilst Richard and I would kiss each other. Paul's tongue would rim my hole and he would play with both his cock and mine as we all came together in an orgasmic explosion. We made a home movie of this on one occasion and Paul and I would often watch it whilst enjoying ourselves in bed. We would spend a lot of time in his bed particularly on winter afternoons watching porn and making love.